Sunday, February 20, 2011

Changing and Moving On

You may have noticed that my posts have slowed down considerably since the first of the year. I'd say that is a direct result of the work I am now doing with the children's ministry at my new church. I am so enjoying being stretched and challenged by the growth we are seeing and anticipating in the future. But blogging time just isn't what it used to be.

I have spent a lot of time thinking of all the changes in my life since losing D 18 months ago, and what he would think of those changes.

I know he would be very proud of the work I've had done to finish the house and all his unfinished projects. We had done so much talking about how those projects would look finished (he was a believer of the axiom "Begin with the end in mind") that I knew exactly how he would have carried out the tasks. He had chosen the red front door I eventually had installed. He left plans for the completion of the bookcase units in the living room, the plant stands thisclose to being finished, and various other projects he didn't have the strength or days to complete. One of my toughest moments after loosing him was spent fishing drawings out of his office trash can, knowing that he had sat and literally thrown his dreams away. But now? The ones I could finish are finally done.

I also know he'd be not so happy about the fact that I now have a microwave oven and electric blanket. (Radiation issues to him, and items we had not owned during his 7 year journey through cancer.) And he'd be much less than pleased about the small fire I had in the kitchen a few weeks ago that damaged the counter. Drat.

I have also been very aware of some things I'm doing now that I would not have done while D was alive. I know I would not have taken this job at the church, but now the season seems so right. I never would have taken as many trips, or had dinners out with friends as often as I do now. The moving on is hard because, obviously, I'd never trade having him here for the things I am enjoying in my new season of life.

And today? I took a really big step into my future. I had 8 people over for lunch after church today. And I served a meal that involved turning on the stove. (You laugh. I'm pretty sure that stove has sat cold for probably 17 1/2 months.) And, amazingly, a good time was had by all. Including me. I love to entertain, and (except for that newly burned counter) my home is a good place to have company. I'm sure my guests had no idea what a big occasion today's meal was for me. I felt like I crossed the line at a marathon for all the emotional healing God's done in my heart to get to the place that I am today. A place I did not think I'd ever reach a year and a half ago.

The plans of God? They are yes and amen.


Buttercup said...

I am so glad there are happy things happening that don't leave as much time for blogging. But please don't forget your blog friends!

Gina said...

yes they are. amen.

Lynn said...

I am so happy for your healing and the way you are stretching and reaching into the future. I'm so glad you are enjoying the children's ministry, just right for your teacher's heart:-)

Kaye said...

There is always room for growth, and with God, all growth is good. This is a time for you to learn to be selfish, and do things you couldn't or wouldn't have ever done before due to the closeness of loved ones. You have always balanced others' needs so well; now you can add your own to the equation. EnJOY your life!

Melanie said...

Praying for you...


Lisa said...

You have done an inspirational job dealing with the grief head on and allowing yourself to still move on and enjoy all the blessings still around you. Dave is SO proud, BEAMINGLY proud. I am just sure of it. :)