Our House, Is a Very, Very, Very Fine House...

This month marks my two year anniversary of blogging. A few things have changed in my life since that time.

When D was in hospice last summer, he asked me to wait for a year before I made any major decisions or changes in my life. I've spent a year trying to decide if I should stay in our home or fix it up and sell it. My compromise has been to fix it up and stay. For now.  

We bought this house almost 12 years ago. It was near the kids' schools, our church and my teaching position. But the desire of our hearts was to buy a little bungalow in a nearby town, and when the nest was empty to fix it up for the long years of retirement. We considered this our "practice bungalow", and we set about remodeling every square inch of it. 

I've been working furiously (make that mostly hiring people who work furiously) to finish the renovations this summer before school starts. And today? (Drum roll, please!) All the major projects are finished! The bathrooms are both redone, there are new windows throughout the house, the attic is newly insulated to help keep the electric bill down in Texas' summer (please, God.) Today the bricklayers finished bricking my mailbox and surprised me with planters on either side. I love it! (And so did the mail carrier who actually put the mail in the old box which was laying on the ground. Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat...nor mail boxes leaning sideways stop these couriers from their appointed rounds...)

Tonight as it was getting dark, I stood out at the street to admire all the progress that has been made over the last year. The new front door D had chosen is now installed and painted the red color he picked out. New landscaping, windows, and a paint job that is a much lighter color. (I've had several friends come to the front door who thought they were at the wrong house because of all the changes. I consider that a compliment of the highest order.) The house looks new and fresh. If I decide to sell, it is ready. If I decide to stay, it is beautiful. 

The only thing that is missing is you, D. I finished all the projects just like we had planned them. You would have loved the way it all came together.

But somehow? I think you know that. 

Girlfriend Weekend in Grapevine

I have four great friends I've known since high school. I don't know how I could have collected more precious people into my life but for God. We've supported each other for over 35 years through dating, college, marriage, children and just all the stuff that life is made of.

We try to meet as often as possible, but at least once a year we meet halfway between Austin (as in Texas) and Broken Arrow (as in Oklahoma). We've found that Grapevine, Texas makes for a wonderful weekend getaway.
We go from store to store and shop a little. Mostly we sit on their displays to talk. Or, as my friend's daughter calls it, we "clump around." We did a lot of clumping this weekend.
We visit the local Mills Mall. Our taste in accessories is amazingly similar, don't you think?
Welcome to Texas where painted cows are considered art forms.
Clumping in the Ice Cream Store after the ice cream is long gone.
Clumping in the hotel suite to sign our friend MA up for Facebook for the first time.
Fellow teacher shopping for school supplies. (Teachers ask so little to make them happy on birthdays.)
The only bad part? Stopping in a quilt shop to say good-bye. 

But we have a plan: between us we have 11 daughters and we are planning a Mother-Daughter Weekend in the next year.  Where we'll introduce them to the fine art of clumping. And long term friendships.

Can't wait!

Our House

Ahhh. Remember that trip I took to Seattle?

Well, that was so last week.

This week my home has become Construction Central.

But the good news?
That horrid 70s faux golden marble sink is GONE. Kicked to the curb and replaced by granite.
And look at D's red door! This makes me happy every time I look at it.
The window guys were here today and they replaced every window in the entire house.
It is rather jarring when there is a huge hole in your home where  a door or window used to be. I spent the day running into every room as they took out huge windows, and I kept saying, "WOW. There is a big hole in the wall!" I'm sure the workers thought I was acting about four years old, and at least that irritating. So I took a picture of them to prove it.

This is a shot of D's office sans french doors. He lovingly turned an empty room into a Craftsman's refuge. He added the most beautiful red oak woodwork throughout the room. The reason he never replaced the doors was because he was afraid it would  mess up the woodwork around it. Not to worry. These workers took extra care, and door looks like it has always been there. I thanked them for doing such an excellent job, and I was full of The Happy.

That "vision yet for the appointed time"? I think the work D wanted done is almost finished. He would have loved it. I know I do.  

What a difference a year makes. Welcome, changes. You are no longer an unwanted visitor. Maybe you are a new friend.

Taking the Long Way

I am careful how I think about D in the present tense. I don't want to get out on a limb and believe that he can hear me. I also don't want to lapse into "The Year of Magical Thinking" where author Joan Didion worked through her grief by pretending for a year that her late husband was still alive. I'm not judging: we all have our own roads through grief.

But sometimes? I  know exactly what he'd be saying to me at that moment. When I was painting some cabinets today, and getting as much paint on me as on them, I heard his refrain in my head, "If there is a drop of paint anywhere, R, you would get it on you." And that is correct. 

As I prepped the cabinet, I remember he said that the pre-work usually took several times longer than the actual work. So, I did it correctly, just like he would have. I cleaned the cabinets, lightly sanded them, used tack cloth to get the grit off, and cleaned them again before painting. Oh, he would have been amazed that I was actually following his instructions today. His work was usually measured by excellence; mine was usually measured by speed: How quickly can I get this job done? (Can I get a witness on that, female readers?)

So, I had to laugh today as the workers were replacing the bedroom windows. Two very hefty men were having a time getting an air-conditioning unit out of the window. We have central air, but D's medication always seemed to keep him overheated, so he put a window unit in the bedroom for sleeping. He did this with his one leg perched on a  tall ladder. He was amazing.

Anyway, the men tugged and pushed and pulled, and an hour later had the unit out. "Who in the world installed this with so many braces and screws?" one of the workers asked me. My husband the engineer, I answered. "Ahhh," they commented with admiration, which is man code for knowing engineers do everything with just a little extra complexity. D would have been so proud.

The Power of "No"

Making decisions without a husband to bounce  ideas off has been a real learning curve. A few weeks ago I was praying about changing my cable/internet system to another company. I felt like the answer was (stick with me here), "Yes, you can change it but that is not going to be the end of this lesson." Drat. Felt like God was throwing me a curve ball. 

So, I walked into the competitor's store with my AT&T U-Verse Special Offer Card I'd received in the mail. Except, they glibly explained to me, U-Verse was not available in my neighborhood. Which was the same neighborhood the store resided in. And the same one the Special Offer Card was mailed to. But blah blah blah bait and switch blah. I should have run out as fast as my little feet would have carried me. But, oh no, I listened to the two hour spiel that was full of twists and turns and hidden information. Only after I'd signed in blood and handed over my debit card did I remember the commercial against AT&T. "Umm," I countered, "is this cable a dish?" (Oh, I am such a techie.) Why, yes! exclaimed the salesperson who'd forgotten to mention that small fact. Do you personally use a dish? I asked him. Uhhhh, well, no...he backpedaled. But he used to have it. And he used to like it. And then he went to the back room to deposit his commission check.

I went home with reams of information to read about my new system. I was immediately accosted by four phone calls and three emails that laid out new! and even more confusing! information. Things I would have to do and appointments I'd have to set with several different technicians over a two week period. It involved climbing in my attic, routers, boxes and some kind of plot to overthrow the world via satellite. Stressed much?

 After two days of heartache over the decision to switch, I re-engaged God on this subject. Actually, I think I fussed at Him. "I ASKED you before I went to that store. You said YES and now I am STRESSED beyond belief and what is UP with THAT???" 

And His reply? "Cancel it. You always have 72 hours to cancel an agreement."

I can do that? Really? I picked up the phone, clinched my fist and prepared for war. I knew these people were not going to let me off easily. Before the tech person could say a word, I shot into my spiel: "I want to cancel my cable and internet before it begins. I do not want to be led through any hoops. My husband died and I do not have the emotional energy for playing games over this."

I thought the line went dead, but then I heard a soft voice on the other end of the phone in the U-Verse. "I understand where you are. My son died last week. I'm only back at work to try and stay busy. There will be no hassle from me. Consider it all taken care of."

And it was. And the weight of the world  lifted off my shoulders.

"No"? It is my friend. As it was again today.

I have two mature trees that have died in the Texas heat. Along with the grass in a corner of my front yard. I called the number advertising yard and tree work on a sign in a neighbor's yard. Their yard looks good, I reasoned. Worth a shot.

Two guys showed up who reminded me of that fox and cat in the movie "Pinocchio" who tried to lead the poor puppet astray. They put on this little show that made me very distrustful.  The tree removal price seemed sort of reasonable, but the thinning of other dead limbs was exorbitant. When I just chose having the trees cut down, the total for all services was magically reduced. And he could do the work that day: no waiting! I agreed to the lower price. His friend, in charge of the sod, said he'd email his proposal: $550 for about 20 square feet of grass. I could carpet a few bedrooms for that price.

This was the first time I felt like I had experienced workers who rubbed their hands together greedily thinking, "Widow! With money!" (Except reality would be "Teacher! With little money!") I asked another worker that I trust what he thought of the sod bid. He said it was about 4 times too high, and he would do it for a quarter of the cost.

I turned down the grass bid, and waited for the tree guy to come. And waited another day. And another day. And felt like this was another "NO!" Today, I called him and cancelled the job. And, again, felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. There are other tree trimmers, and I'll find one I feel good about next time.

The Moral of this Story?  Sometimes prayer leads me down a road that appears right, but seems to turn out miserably. And that is when God steps in, takes my hand and makes it all right. And He is teaching me boldness and the value of the word "NO". I'm slowly learning that I do have Someone to bounce my questions off. And I always end up right where I should be.

Bet they don't have that in the U-Verse.

The First Year

July 13, 2009: Saying good-bye.
So began a year when life as I'd known it came to a screeching halt. I've posted these pictures to remind myself that God is/has been/will be faithful, and that friends and family are the most precious gift He gives us on this earth.
In August 2009, a precious friend let me use her Maine home for some much-needed time away. Thank you, Kathy.
My children and Loyal Sister helped me set up my first grade classroom, which soon contained the most wonderful children (and attentive parents) on the entire campus. Thank you Bumblebee parents for all your patience, love and support this year. Your children blessed me daily.
Kansas City Marathon/5K in honor of Dave. Thank you Steinochers for blending me into your family and surrounding me with your love.
Oklahoma City Women of Faith Conference with three of my favorite women of faith: friends since high school who let me talk and cry and process this year. Thank you Adrienne, MaryAnn and Pat for walking beside me this year. (And Jennifer! I know you were there in spirit.)
Thanksgiving weekend brought members of my church to paint my house. (And that front door? It is now RED!) Thank you Arnett and Heriford families for meeting my practical needs.
The day after Thanksgiving for early morning shopping with friends. (Not sure I should thank you for the cost of this little excursion!)
Christmas in Missouri with Young Son, Married Daughter and Loyal Son-in-Law and his extended family. (Have I mentioned a time or a million that my friend's son married my daughter? Made it easy to blend these families together for holidays...) Thank you real family and faux family for getting me through the holiday.
My first white Christmas...except it is too cold to breathe! Thank you God, for serendipities throughout this year.

Happy New Year 2010. Thank you first graders for giving me hugs and high fives all year.
A birthday/slumber party held at my house for a former student who grew up way too fast! Thank you, Meg and friends, for  a wonderful weekend.
Meeting a reader of this blog who flew to Houston from Canada for a Beth Moore conference. Thank you, Lynn, for all your helpful advice this year. You made the path a little smoother.
A high school aide who helped in my classroom each week. Thank you, Miss Haley, for giving extra joy to our classroom. (Good luck at A&M next year!)
Meeting sorority sisters in Crawford, Texas. Thank you Kaye, Gayla and Debbie for all the laughter and good memories.
O'Brien's Bumblebees ready to rumble on Sports Day. Thank you 19 six-year old best friends for making my world a happy place each day.

A Spring Break trip to Pennsylvania. Married Daughter had just moved a few miles from Dave's brother and sister, and his oldest daughter, Heather, drove down from D.C. to see us all. Thank you Kevin, April, Heather and Katy for helping me keep Dave's memories alive.
Another Delta Chi Rho reunion. Thanks Debbie, Kaye and Sonya for making time for memories.
Elton John in April. Thanks Loyal Sister Renee for walking close by my side all year.
NEW YORK!!! in April with Quality Friend, Connie, and three of my former kindergartners. Thanks Rachel, Celeste and Gracie for letting me be your chaperone and seeing the bright lights of the Big City with you.
Young Son graduates from College! Thanks Chris and Katy for remembering the importance of family.
Ireland in June. Thanks Bonnie for taking me on the trip of a lifetime.
Seattle/Canada with Married Daughter. Thanks, Katy, for helping me mark the end of this year with laughter and happy memories.

I look at these pictures and see so much love and laughter. In private, I also know there were many tears shed. 

I am ready to cross the line into the next year without Dave remembering the good times and holding him close in my heart.

Thank you, Bloggy Community, for walking this incredibly difficult year alongside me. You've blessed me so. Let's keep seeking out the Joy in the Journey.

A New Year

I've been in Seattle for a week with Married Daughter. (More on that later.) We were walking around Pike's Place Market watching the fish being thrown and enjoying the cool weather. As I walked, I was praying and asking God for a word on how to move on in this New Year after D's leaving. I looked down at the street, and this is what I saw under my feet:

"I have always known that at last I would take this road,
But yesterday, I did not know it would be today."

Moving on to a New Life that is full of the future, and full of hope.