Thursday, May 6, 2010

Lifting the Veil

Well. After that last little post, maybe it is time for me to call the "waaaaaaa-mbulance", as my first graders say. Pitiful! Sometime when I am at an emotional spike, my filter (and "Publish Post" button) are not fully engaged.

So, now we will be discussing The Progress in this journey through grief. I had a student's dad a few years ago tell me he admired my use of bullets in my classroom newsletters: concise and to the point information. He was a professor at UT, so I'm guessing that was a huge compliment. For your viewing pleasure today? Bullets.
  • My ability to hold information in my brain is improving. I was able to finish a complete book, and have begun a new one. And if you give me a little time, I might even remember the title.
  • I have cancelled Netflix after having two DVDs sit untouched for three weeks. This is in marked contrast to the past several months when I worked my way through six seasons of Ally McBeal. A friend had suggested if  I watched something with a continuing plotline, maybe I could keep up. Since I don't watch "Lost", "America's Top Model" or "Biggest Loser", a completed, cancelled series fit the bill. (And Donnie Osmond winning "Dancing With the Stars" last fall? Well, that tracked as well.)
  • I removed plastic tarps from one bedroom to begin preparations for The Graduation next week. I'll be having overnight guests, and they will have to be able to breathe while they sleep.
  • I was so inspired, the next night I removed tarps from the dining room. If I hurry, I may actually eat a home-cooked meal at a table this year.
  • I could continue in my tarp de force,  but the clean up produced another bullet:
  • There is a house under all the dust produced by the continuing removal of popcorn ceilings throughout the house. I had forgotten what it looked like. And I love it very much.
You see, bullets aside, my goal has been to finish the remodel of our home in honor of D. And as it slowly emerges, I realize that a Happier Me is also coming forward. Nine months of grief seems to be giving birth to happier memories when I sort through D's possessions.

It's been easier to let sleeping tarps lie, and cover everything in the house. Out of sight, out of mind and all that. But cleaning up is helping me see things with new eyes. Like actually having the energy to clean again. 

When Married Daughter and her husband  come for graduation next week, it will be the first trip in over three years that didn't involve surgeries, hospital visits or a funeral. We can concentrate on just The Happy this time. But we do wish D was here to share it with us.

Pain endures through the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.

And it is not muffled by plastic tarps.


Craig Weeks said...

The Netflix DVD sitting on our coffee table was shipped 03/16/2010. I'm just sayin'. (I'm also glad we are only spending 5 bucks a month.)

Dawn said...

LOL... we're just about to cancel or Netflix, too, and for the same reason. Life with two teens, spring/summer activities and the return to outdoor living has seriously cut into tv viewing time.

Peeling back tarps and finding you really do love what's underneath - what a good place to be. Keep soaking up all these new, good memories as you reflect on older memories.

Hope our paths cross again soon! Be blessed!!!

Lynn said...

It's all part of the journey, the 'waaaa' as well as the smiles over memories! Celebrate The Graduation with shouts of joy!! Then if you need to cry the next week, cry. I still have times like that, up and down we go - the difference is that the down isn't so far 'down' anymore and doesn't come as often. The bullet points are great:o)!

Craig Weeks said...

I'm starting to wonder if bullet points are mostly a guy thing. The phrase "to the point information" is what takes down this path. Would Big Mama or Pioneer Woman have the same appreciation for this approach? Granted, you used them on your own in classroom newsletters, but still, I think it comes more naturally to a man. And their presence pretty much guarantees that the Funny Quotient of said communication is cut right in half.

So, let's review. Bullet points:
- may be more natural for a man,
- diminish your capacity to be funny,
- make your weird friends spend too much time thinking about stuff that deserves no attention at all.

Isn't that about it?

Sarah said...

I loved this post, especially the bullets. I have the same problem with Netflix movies.

I LOVE the verse about joy coming in the morning. Years and years ago, I went through a period of depression. As I was coming out of it, my husband gave me a tiny Shih Tzu puppy. I felt that my weeping had endured for the night, but now it was morning and I was joyful. So I named her Morning. Every time I called her name I thought of that verse.

It wasn't so great, though, the couple of times when she ran away, always during the mad dash to leave for work in the morning. I'd holler, "MORN-ING! MORN-ING!" at the top of my lungs until I was hoarse. I bet the neighbors thought I was a total kook. They probably thought I was an over-the-top morning person. (Not so.)

I hope your visit with Married Daughter and her family is wonderful.