I was out with friends last night, and they were asking how my New Job was going. I told them I am in one of those precious and rare times where I can see so many events of my life coming together and making perfect sense. Past jobs, relationships, experiences and training have all melded together to bring me to the wonderful place that I am in right now. I find myself humbled and blessed by this opportunity, and thankful that it has made sense of many of the last difficult years of my life. All things do work together for good.
My life is full of change, some very good change. My former 30 minute commute into town is now a 60 second trip. Seriously: I can leave at 8:00 am and arrive at work at 8:00 am. I have not filled up my car since my second grade class let out in May. My gas/toll bills just went down a few hundred dollars a month. Hallelujah!
I am suddenly full of energy to complete tasks I've been putting off. Grieving was a lot of work mentally, emotionally and physically, and I'm surprised at the concentration, endurance and attention to detail that has begun returning to me.
I also realize that the clearning of my mental fog has made me notice a few things for the first time in two years. Late the other night, I was sitting in the room formerly known as Married Daughter's bedroom, sorting through some boxes. I had a major aha! moment: I am alone in this house. May seem very obvious to you on the outside of the screen, but I felt very, very alone in my home for the first time. The protective numbing of reality has been lifted. It is time to adjust to (yet another) new normal. But one that is miles and miles down the read from where this journey began.
I end this post with a modern day parable:
There was a numb woman who let her yard go for two hot Texas summers, during the worst drought the state had seen in over a century. One day she woke up and realized her grass was yellow and was in need of intensive care. She began watering and raking and tending the yard. After a very short while, things began to look better and turn green as they responded to the attentive care. The woman was amazed at how quickly something that had been neglected for two years could spring into new, green life.
Connecting the dots, and the picture is emerging. Finally.
Do You Want to Build a Snowman?
1 day ago
4 comments:
Wow....Look what the Lord has Done! This post makes me smile.... a little water and a little raking off of the old and you find out there was green grass in that lawn all this time... it just needed some help to come out...
Along for the ride!!!!
~A the CMIL
Hallelujah! A 60-second commute! You'll be able to walk to work if this heat ever lets up. So happy for you.
So happy for you! It's great that you are so close to work and that it is a place you enjoy going to each day!! I remember that numb fog lifting, although some days I feel like I'm still in a fog but I think it's menopause not grief anymore!!lol
Yay. I always loved connect the dots. It's funny sometimes where it is when you realize your "fog" has lifted. For me it's often in the grocery store when I realize I can choose whatever I want for dinner and be happy with my choice and relish the preparation and eating it with gusto---not be all sad that I am eating alone. Also, I no longer fear being alone in the house. At first, I was afraid of every noise and the "aloneness" was just paralizing to me. I haven't felt that in a quite awhile now. I envy your short commute! My best friend from High School lives in a Dallas suberb and is coming up for my wedding. I'm sure she and her hubby are looking forward to a nice cooling off. Angie
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