May 24

Today was/is/would have been...D's and my wedding anniversary. And OH! the bittersweetness of it. Of all the monumental dates we've missed together over the past 10 months, this one was the apex, the summit, the Mount Everest of hurt-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach occasions.

So let's just go back to the original May 24th wedding day. I was teaching third grade, and this date was actually the day after the last day of school that year. The last day fell on a Friday and we got off at noon. I remember turning in my report cards and heading for the chapel/reception hall to begin decorating. What was I thinking scheduling a wedding the day after the last day of school? I was thinking, "I WANT TO MARRY THIS MAN!" that's what.  

We had wanted a small wedding, but somehow it grew to a standing room only ceremony with joy all around for all of us. (Fun aside: one of the guests was a young boy who would later become my daughter's husband.) So much love and laughter from everyone. We left the next day for a 10 day honeymoon in Hawaii that was so perfect, we considered just moving the entire family there. In our dreams.

Today was a wee bit different for obvious reasons. I woke up having the crazy thought that maybe D had thought ahead and ordered flowers for this year for me. He had left other things behind for me to find: money, notes, signed furniture. Flowers were not a stretch, until I remembered that he only had about six more weeks to live last May 24. That brought the first batch of tears. But you want to hear something great? One of my student's mothers brought me flowers today in honor of this anniversary. Without knowing, she chose the same flowers I'd had at my wedding. Yellow Roses. (Yes, I am a Texas girl.)  These parents never cease to amaze me with their loving generosity, but it was especially appreciated today.

In my goal to not spend a lot of time alone this evening, I'd made plans to meet my sister and brother-in-law at one of the famous barbeque places around here. No sides: just smoked and sauced meat. We moved the party outside after the meal to enjoy one of the last breezy-cool evenings of central Texas. We talked and laughed, and filled up much of my spare night with sweet memories of D.

Now I'm home, crossing off yet another date on the calendar of grief. I'm believing if I can just get through this first year, these same occasions will not be so difficult next year. 

D and I always quoted: "Come grow old with me, the best is yet to be." Guess the first part is not possible anymore. But hoping there is some of that "best" part ahead.