July 1, 2009

I am now less than two weeks away from the anniversary of losing Dave. It seems like every day, I can remember exactly what I was doing on this date last summer. The closer it gets, the more intense the memories. In some way, I  believe when I cross the line of the "Anniversary Date", I can enter into a new normal. At that time I have celebrated every holiday and anniversary without him. And surely it gets easier the second year around.

It probably wouldn't surprise you to know that besides blogging, I also journal.  This was my entry from July 1 last summer:

Amos 3:7 "Surely the Lord God does nothing unless He reveals His secret counsel to His servants..."

Lord, I find myself asking You, "When?" The doctor says  1-3 months, but I trust You that all will be prepared for Your timing.

The drugs take Dave's pain, but they also take his consciousness. He sleeps. Lord, touch his dreams and his thoughts. Hold him near. Bring Him to Yourself.

Psalm 23: You lead us in paths of righteousness for Your name's sake.

You are leading, Lord. I often can only see Your back ahead of me. That is enough, because You are faithful and trustworthy.

I trust You for the timing. I trust You for the ending: Gentle, Painless, Quick.

I trust You for the healing of hearts. All that needs to be said and done will be said and done or seeds of healing will be scattered generously and You will be faithful to complete the work.

Jesus: Come near. Come quickly.