I cannot even express to you how awful the thought of dating is right now. And yet, there seem to be stirrings around me that some people think "it's time" for me to "get on with my life." I think this is what it must feel like when someone loses a baby and well-meaning friends say, "You're young: you can always have another one." Unintentionally, yet heartbreakingly, hurtful. There is no "replacement" in children or husbands.
I have realized recently that I am surrounding myself at church with people who are at least 20 (and sometimes 30) years older than I am. I think it is an unconscious defense mechanism to hide away from anyone even remotely available. Yet I've been told I should look into online Christian dating services (NEVER!) and reminded of "good" single men in my congregation. (NEVER, NEVER!) I realize these people are good-willed and kind people who want to see me happy. But I also know that I've got to find "happy" on my own first.
I told my grief class I would not be bringing a date to the Christmas party. (But I may ask Loyal Sister because she is a lot of fun and I don't see her as often as I would like lately.) I also told them flat out I would not be seeing anyone unless God sent them to my front door. And only then if they stated God had sent them to my front door. The leadership told me I should be careful what I ask for. Because it could happen.
I feel safe in my declaration.
Because I'm totally not answering the front door right now.