Saturday, March 19, 2011

Mile Marker

Today would have been D's birthday; the second without him. Last year this day was quite a struggle for me. I was pleasantly surprised to find today was full of good memories of happy times. Loyal Sister spent the day antiquing with me, and we happened to go to many of the places D and I enjoyed visiting together. He came up in our conversations often and easily. We laughed more than once over things he had said and done. It has become so natural to talk about him, and include memories of him in conversation.

Some of the last words I spoke to D were to reassure him it was alright to leave because he had fought the good fight with cancer long enough to see all the kids graduate from high school and most of them finish college. I know he would be so proud of all they have accomplished since he left us. H is graduating from Seminary in May. E is graduating in August and getting married in September. K and her husband J are being transferred to Wisconsin. Young Son, C, is making plans to move to South Korea to teach this fall. D did not raise slacker children.

Today, I remembered some of the last words that D spoke to me. He was deep in thought and he turned toward me and said, "I've just decided. I know that you are going to be fine when I'm gone. You have great friends and family and they are going to take good care of you." He was so right. But I wish he was here taking care of me, too.

And guess what? I type that sentence on my keyboard without tears, without pain in my heart. He is where he is supposed to be and so am I. God will continue to heal my heart and put me steadfastly on the path He has for me.

But D: You are never far from my thoughts and my heart. And those thoughts are now so full of happy memories. Happy Birthday, Baby. I'm forever changed by the years I shared with you.

3 comments:

Lynn said...

You may have typed without tears but I did not read without tears. I know the pain it takes to get to where you are. It blesses me to know that memories now bring joy!

Andrea said...

It brought tears to my eyes, too. You are such a sweet and brave soul, but you always have been. God just continues to refine you into an amazing woman. I'm proud to call you friend . . . Happy Birthday, D ~ you were very blessed to have one another.

Lisa said...

This was so touching, Rayeanne. I am so glad that the happy memories come often and easily now. I certainly still teared up reading it though... :)