Newness of Life

Well, life goes on and calendar pages continue to turn. It's been four months since this unexpected journey through grief began. In many ways I feel I've just begun the healing. I'm only now starting to understand that D is really, truly not coming back. And our favorite saying to each other? "Come grow old with me, the best is yet to be".  Not going to happen. There is just this gaping hole where the future begins now. I believe it will be filled in eventually. Just not anytime soon.

You know what else goes on? Home improvement projects. I'm determined to fix up D's office first. It was originally a bonus room at the back of the garage, and he remade it with wonderful wood trim and a hardwood floor. Very much  a picture of the Craftsman era when things were handmade with excellence. My goal was to find an antique trunk to use as a coffee table in front of his couch.

I started searching Craigslist with a price, style and stain color in mind. After about three weeks of daily searching: BINGO! The seller's address was located only a few miles from my home. I thought of taking a friend with me, but decided I could do it "all by my bigself" as my kids used to say when they were toddlers.

When I went to view the chest, I was amazed at how perfect it was for me. I asked why they were selling it. Talk about picking at a fresh scab! Apparently, the young wife had bought new furniture that looked great in the showroom. In the reality of their small den? There wasn't the extra room for a dog to walk through, let alone for a coffee table. It was a very nice set of furniture. It was just very big.  Buyer's remorse hung like a cloud over the house, and I decided to seal the deal quickly.

This was my first Craigslist rodeo, and I thought I should  see if they'd take any less. The wife would go down a little, but no one had change.  Including me: the pitiful haggler. I paid the original price, and the husband sadly loaded the chest in my van. He patted the top a few times like he would miss it. And he returned to the house and his newly crowded den with a big sigh.

Score! I now had the perfect coffee table for D's office. But no way to get it in the house. I kept watching for neighbors to be out in the yard this weekend, but no sightings. A friend from church stopped by to see why my garage door opener's lights did not work, and he carried in the chest for me. (Ummm, the lights didn't work because there were no lightbulbs in it. I have a lot to learn in the home maintenance area.)

I didn't like the little ball feet on the chest, so I removed them. I can learn new tricks, apparently.  The table is just right in every way and gives me hope that the office will be a fitting tribute to D's work. I'm so proud of my Craigslist plunder that I go into the room often just to flip on the light and admire it anew.

Another thing I'm admiring? MY NEW FRONT DOOR! It is not red (yet), but painting will commence next week. The front hall way is dark, and the new door has a window that lets light spill in through beveled glass. Just the way D said it would when he picked the door out in May, before we knew he wouldn't be there to see it installed. 

 Sometimes I feel like I cared for him through his sickness, but he is continuing to care for me on this side of it. He left things in order, and had made many plans that make things so much easier for me. The biggest piece of advice he gave me, that I'm sticking with, is to not make any major plans for a year. So, I make minor plans like coffee tables and front doors.  And I continue to press on, one day at a time.