Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Moving on up

When my grandfather passed away 25 years ago, I remember my grandmother telling me, "This happens to people all the time. I am not the first one to lose a husband. I just decided that I was not going to sit around and be sad, and I was going to keep moving forward." This from the woman whose cure to any illness was, "Just stir around a little bit and you'll be fine." 

So, I'm stirring around a little bit. Yesterday, the kids and my sister accompanied me to my first grade classroom. In 5 hours as a team, we were able to do what would have taken me a week: totally set up my classroom except for the picky little details. Huge relief. The custodians sought me out and had sweet hugs and sweet words for me. To quote Ed, "We have come to extend our condolences." Listen, those three custodians already do so much for me on a daily basis during the school year. I am blessed that they consider me a friend after some of the messes my six year old students create! (And things that made me smile while unpacking: lots of coloring on the underside of the tables that I was not aware of, and fingerprints all over the inside of the air fresheners in the classroom restroom...those little guys are always up to something.) I think the return to the classroom in August will be good for me in many ways: the life of six year olds and the schedule of school should keep me moving forward.

Last night Young Son made us a delicious meal and we sat and watched six back-to-back episodes of "Tori and Dean". Who knew there was such mindless entertainment on TV? Planning tonight to watch a show called "Toddlers with Tiaras" because the commercial was like a trainwreck we couldn't take our eyes off of. I'm not sure if these activities would have qualified for my grandmother's definition of "stirring around". Her mindless activities of choice included "The Lawrence Welk Show", "The Donnie and Marie Show", and every Billy Graham crusade ever broadcast. (And Oral Roberts' healing services until he said God would call him home if he didn't raise the money for the medical center. Their relationship parted ways there.)

And can we talk about Facebook for a second? My daughter signed me up and requested friends for me a few days ago. To keep me busy, I think. I have 143 friends and counting. (Where do these people come from and how come I as not aware of this secret underground?) I have heard from precious high school and college friends that I had not talked to in years. LuAnn, so glad to catch up with you! Sarah, so glad to hear the chemo is working well for you! Elizabeth, laughing so hard at your posts about parents on Facebook. (And Young Son added me as a friend. The Mommy-cam is rolling and in bidness, as Fiddy would say.)

So, new areas of life will continue to unfold. A small part of my heart has pangs when I consider starting something new without D. It seems a little unloyal to move on without him in any area. But I'm taking my grandmother's advice to heart. I need to keep "stirring around" and believing for continued healing and the path to a new future and hope. 


Craig Weeks said...

You didn't say it in so many words and *I* am certainly out of my element here, but it sounds like you intend on healthy grieving. Moving on is surely good. Honestly admitting your pain and loneliness to yourself and those closest to you is surely good. Doing it *your* way is surely the only way and other opinions mostly should not matter (though wise counsel should be welcome). I think the thing I most would not want to happen to me is to get "stuck" at some point along the way. I seriously doubt that you will.

susan said...

Hi Rayeanne - Just had to comment on your watching "Toddlers & Tiaras". My son worked on the first season of that show (as a cameraperson). If you think the show looks like a trainwreck ... he said the behind the scenes antics and attitudes were incredible (not sure he meant that in a good way!). He chose not to work on the second season.
Thanks for supporting mindless television. You keep my kiddos employed! Now will you start watching "Bones" on Fox? Daughter works on that one!
Take care. And rest well in Maine.
Susan (from Bryant's office)

susan said...

Hi Rayeanne - Just had to comment on your watching 'Toddlers & Tiara's'. My son worked on the first season of the show (as a cameraperson). He said the antics and attitudes behind the scenes were incredible (not sure if he meant that in a good way!). He chose not to work on season two. Thank you for supporting mindless television - it keeps my kiddos employed! Now, if you'll start watching 'Bones' on Fox (daughter works on that one) - I'll feel more secure!
Take care.
Susan (from Bryant's office)