Anyhoo. As I press onward through the fog that surrounds my mind these days (yes, I am from Austin, Texas where the town's unofficial motto is "Keep Austin Weird", and no the fog reference is not drug but grief related), I find more and more and more the need to Write Things Down if I have any hope of remembering them or following through on them.
Luckily, D (a man who was more organized then I am) left an enormous supply of yellow Post-It notes in his office. I am tearing through them quickly. Please send reinforcements!
I use them to remind myself of the small things ("Get coffee filters and creamer"), the medium things ("Have I checked the phone messages this week?") and the really important things ("One check left in checkbook: ORDER MORE NOW"). There are random notes scattered around the house: "See if B wants D's books on CAD", "Find out if J wants the books on cancer diet", and "Cancel Netflix and Yardman". (Reminds me of an action flick). My particular favorite note met me at the coffee pot the other morning, left out the night before so I would not forget: "Find the Post-It note with the To Do List on it." This is getting increasingly pitiful.
D used his Post-It notes for encouragement and inspiration, as evidenced by these notes left hanging on his mirror: "It's amazing what you can accomplish if you don't care who gets the credit. Harry Truman" and "Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that He will". There were favorite verses posted in his workshop: "God's grace is enough for me; for God's strength and power are made perfect and show themselves most effective in my weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities , that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Corinthians 12:9" and "...whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24".
My favorite Post-it contained a self-written confession on his bedside table that he read each morning when he got up: "Father, I thank you that this is going to be a great day. I think you that I have discipline, self-control; that I make good decisions. I may not have done what I could have yesterday, but that day is gone. I'm going to get up and do better today. " This from a man who fought cancer's effects for 7 years. We should all adopt that Post-it philosophy.
And the last Post-it I found had fluttered to the floor on his side of the bed. It read simply, "God please heal me." I think God must have seen that one and in His mercy and grace allowed it to be so. Because I know that D is in a place where there are no more tears, no more pain, and he is again whole and walking on two legs.
And that belief is enough to make me want to have a better day. And I don't have to write myself a note to remember to do that today.
Baby steps. Baby steps.